An Actual Conversation With My Three Year Old
AKA negotiations with a tiny terrorist
A few days ago, my daughter was happily coloring one of my son’s “decodables,” singing to herself when she paused what she was doing and (innocently enough) looked over at me.
Her: Mom, what does this say? (points at letters she wrote on the book)
Me: “Momom” (like saying mom 2x)
Her: No. That is not right. What does it say?
Me: That is what it says. (Pointing and sounding it out) MOMOM1
Her: (increasingly frustrated) No! Not Momom. What does it SAY?
Me: You spelled Mom with an extra o-m “om”. It says Momom.
Her: NO! No it doesn't. Read it.
Me: I. I am? Maybe, does it just say Mom?
Her: (in tears) NO! NOT MOM. WHAT. DOES. IT. SAY?!!?
Me: (backing slowly away) I don’t know?! I can’t read it. (fingers crossed that the ignorance shtick will work)
Her: YES YOU CAN! You can read. WHAT DOES IT SAY?!
Me: (scared for my life) … Mom…om?
Her: NO!!!
US:
Listen y’all, raising kids is super duper super duper hard. Sometimes the hard things make sense: you have to stop them from eating all their Halloween candy in one go and they hate you for it. You have to make them leave the park just when they are finally having fun. They are sick, and stay up all night wondering when to worry and when to just ride it out. You are scared they won’t be nice good humans who help further the world and make it a better place. THE USUAL.
And then sometimes, (ok, maybe OFTEN) the hard things are strictly and completely nonsensical. The banana is the wrong color. The water they asked you to put in the cup is now in the wrong cup. When you switch it to the right cup it is now, quite impossibly, the wrong water. It is walking a thin tightrope, like diffusing a bomb only you can’t be sure which wire you are supposed to snip, not because you have forgotten but because the wires were never labeled in the first place, and they are liable to switch functions at any given moment. You are not alone if you sometimes feel afraid to answer your child because you know that you’ve got a slim chance (if any) of getting it right.
I hope you have lots of other parent friends you can share these ridiculous moments with. I have found sharing my kids’ ridiculous antics and hearing theirs in return helps me feel less alone and less like I am going to have to self-therapy by eating all the Girl Scout cookies after collapsing on the floor. (Who am I kidding, that sounds like a GREAT idea).
What ridiculous antics have your littles been up to lately? I would love to hear about them so I can feel a little less alone and so we can keep on building more community around the good, the bad, and the downright weird.
FROM THE STAX
SNOWFLAKE BENTLEY by Jacqueline Briggs Martin Illustrated by Mary Azarian
Do y’all have snow? We did for one day last week and it was thrilling. As a young boy, Wilson Bentley became fascinated by how each snowflake appeared different. When he received a special camera from his father he undertook a near-impossible hobby of up close photographing tiny individual snowflakes. The results were stunning, if not fully appreciated in his time. A delightful winter tale that will have your kids looking at snow in a whole new way, and hopefully inspire the budding scientist and naturalist in us all. I love how little his parents seemed to get what he was doing, but that they didn’t stop him all the same. Perhaps this is something I need to lean into as I struggle to parent the behaviors that confound me.
Also, check out this collection of his original photographs that I think would make an excellent coffee table book!
BEACH BUMMER by Ryan T. Higgins
If your winter is feeling a bit more like summer (After our magical snow day last week, it was 80 degrees here today and my littlest was frolicking about in her summer dress) then perhaps this is the read for you. Actually, if you haven’t felt fully SEEN in your role as caregiver for tiny and sometimes (often) ridiculous humans in a while, may I suggest you read any Bruce book. You can practically feel Bruce rolling his eyes as he begrudgingly mothers his geese and their mouse companions. Have you been the one pack-muling the gear to the beach only to have to immediately turn around and head home as soon as you get there? Me too, Bruce, me too.
STRICTLY NO ELEPHANTS by Lisa Mentchev Illustrated by Taeeun Yoo
It is Pet Club Day! But what if your pet isn’t allowed in the pet club? You simply have to start your own club that lets everybody in, no matter what kind of pet they have. A book about finding those true friends, but also about including all when you go to make new ones, this little boy and his adorable scarf-wearing elephant are certainly going to steal your heart. Being little and making friends is hard (heck, being big and making friends is hard too!) and this book will be a comfort to all of us who are just trying to find our way and our people in this big wide world.
THE MAGIC BRUSH by Kat Yeh Illustrated by Huy Voun Lee
Happy Belated Lunar New Year! Did you know it is the year of the snake? This book is not about snakes or the Lunar New Year, in fact, it is about learning Chinese characters with a beloved family member who passes away. It is a beautiful book about loss and the legacy left by those we lose, but also about how learning is a love language passed through generations and family connections. I loved how the Chinese characters were found throughout the book in the illustrations, how the characters were taught through the story, and how the book ended with a glossary of the characters and their meanings. My son loved writing the Chinese characters and what they meant so he could teach us!
MY SNAKE BLAKE by Randy Siegel Illustrated by Serge Bloch
This book is not about the Lunar New Year, but it is about SNAKES! Well, about one pet snake in particular. Written and Illustrated in a very 1960s style, I thought this book was an old one until I looked up the publishing date (2012). Blake the Snake is a rather extraordinary pet in that he can spell out words to answer questions, ends up being very well-mannered, and can even cook and walk the dog, which helps sway the reticent mother that this is, in fact, an excellent pet. Not only do the illustrations and story feel like something out of the past, but the characters’ roles feel dated too. Must the mother hate the snake? For those ladies who love reptiles, maybe consider Joan Proctor, Dragon Doctor (reviewed by me here) a very different and decidedly more feminist snake book. For those who love a silly spelling snake (and what kid wouldn't), this book does the job.
Speaking of pets — here is the pupdate: the stray dog lovingly dubbed Cheeto is still at the house and growing comfier as we speak (snoring on my feet). If you want to speak on his behalf for the benefit of adding a four-legged friend to the family chaos, give me your best arguments!
If you know someone who loves to read but feels overwhelmed by decisions at the library or the bookstore because, hi, parenting is overwhelming then tell them about my newsletter!! It is fun to share.
See y’all next week with more fun book recs plus bonus stories about surviving parenthood. Happy reading y’all!
May I present to the jury Exhibit A with a slight caveat: she always colors in all the spaces in her letters. Yet another mystery to be solved:
Three-year-olds are monsters. When my eldest was three, it's as if she'd been bodysnatched by aliens. It was alarming. Our daycare provider, who had 40 years of experienced and was my parenting guru for a decade, used to tell me that whoever came up with "the terrible twos" hadn't had a three-year-old yet. Godspeed, friend.
last night my 5 year old was sobbing into his bowl of chili saying the chili was "too sad tasting" for him to possibly eat it