What is Your Parental Superpower?
reading is my reset button
I’ve had one of those days. Maybe it’s post-vacation blues: the dredge of coming home to the chores, the stacks of mail, the house, and all the STUFF we accumulate to fill it. I miss my family, I miss weather below 90 degrees, I miss staying in homes where I could help clean up but it was optional and part of being a considerate guest. Everyone else was responsible for the bulk of the chores while we just played and played and took ferry boat rides and skipped rocks and ran barefoot in the grass. (Spoiled alert!!) I miss the parties, the Yahtzee, the martini nights, and the proximity to my favorite people and the ocean.
It is good to be home. Here, I have time to listen to my audiobooks while I make food or clean house. My kids can play without me worrying that they might spill on someone’s furniture or break a precious vase. It’s nice to go a full day without socializing beyond my insular family bubble. But there is something to living in the chaos of travel, where we are all on the wrong foot, a bit unbalanced, and so we are on our best behavior. At home, it is easy for my kids to end up less my adventure buddies and more often distractions to “things” I’m trying to “get done.” (Read: this post) My partner and I have to talk about household logistics, share those responsibilities, and manage our feelings about how differently we approach the same problem, all without any outsiders watching us and keeping us in line through the pressure of appearing socially acceptable. Sometimes I like us all better when we are away. At home, we are comfortable, and there’s nothing like being comfy that can lure the beast out of its cage.
Today we spiraled down the furious funnel. Before my first cup of coffe was even consumed the kids were bickering about a blanket (!!) so we left the house in a tizzy. Could I have handled this situation better? You bet. But I didn’t. Then at the library (my favorite place), they were bickering about who was going to sit where while I was reading (they were hungry) so we left there in a tizzy too. We tried to get some groceries and sushi lunch (my kids love sushi lunch and I’m not above a good positive motivator) but we couldn’t manage to get out of the car without major meltdowns about unbuckling our car seats and I drew a LINE.
The line is both a necessary tool and my greatest enemy. I set it and then I regret it. The no sushi consequence broke the final desperate straw and we all just melted down. The. Spiral. Is. So. Real. When I rehash these moments with other people it can be so hard to explain why I felt like I was going to lose my shit over a tiny thing like a car seat buckle. It seems such a small offense. It is such a small offense. But it isn’t just the car seat, it is the way the day all stacks up. It’s a refusal to apologize, or a three-year-old insisting the half and half is milk and that the milk that she asked for “is NOTHING!!!!!!” all while screaming like a banshee. It’s them plugging their ears when you try to explain the reasoning behind the consequence. It stacks up.
Today I thought, “Yeah, I just don’t want to mom anymore.” But there’s no break from being a parent. I’m a parent even when I get a chance to leave my home or take time to myself. I’m always talking about my kids, or thinking about my kids, or writing newsletters about my kids (case in point). I’m always rehashing a moment where I did a spectacularly poor job of being patient or different ways I should have/could have de-escalated the situation. I wonder what kind of lasting damage I am doing. I wonder how I could do better, how I could be better. Even if you are not a stay-at-home parent, once you have a kid, you are a full-time non-stop parent one hundred percent of the time.
One of the reasons I love reading to my kids is because it is my parental superpower. When I am reading to my kids I feel centered and calm. Their bodies on my body feel welcome: loving and cozy, not chaotic and too close. I feel connected. When I am reading we create meaningful moments for big questions and curiosity, a safe space to explore. We get to laugh at the silly things and cry at the sad things. We practice life from a safe distance. When I am reading I am never mad (or at least I don’t stay mad), my kids are never (or hardly ever) fighting, and I don’t feel like I am losing control or doing a bad job. It is one thing I can do in a day full of uncertainty and absurdity that I feel like I am doing right.
What is your parental superpower? I imagine some of you have similar emotional experiences when you play sports with your kids, do puzzles, are at the beach, play family game night, are making Play-Doh creations, or have an epic dance party. Are you guys extra good at making cookies or cooking delicious dinners? Do you have family band jam sessions? Take your kids fishing? Camping? Biking? We do a lot of those things as well, but for me, picking up a book is the only activity that makes me feel like a winning mom nearly one hundred percent of the time.
Ironically, as I write this my three-year-old is in the background playing with kinetic sand and muttering “fuck” for no reason except that the “other guy with so many eyeballs is too mad.” Is this a reflection of my parenting? Perhaps. I wish I felt like I was winning more often, but for now, I think I’ll reach for another good book.
FROM THE STAX
BALLET KIDS by Holly Sterling
Thomas wants to be a ballet kid! Follow along as he heads to class, practices his moves, gets ready for the big performance day, and shines on stage. Learn some basic ballet vocabulary, introduce the idea of dance being fun, and encourage kids to choose their dancing roles based on what they love.
I love everything about this book, namely how little a fuss it makes about Thomas doing ballet, choosing a sparkly purple outfit, and dancing the part of the sugarplum fairy. The message is: do what makes you feel good. But it doesn’t explicitly give a message, it tells a simple story that happens without any comment on gender expectations. I know we are about to have a lot more stereotypes filtering in when my eldest starts kindergarten this fall and it is nice to quietly fight against those ideas with this kind of book.
JOURNEY by Aaron Becker
A girl with nothing to do finds a red crayon, draws a door, and sets off into another land full of surprises, mischief, and adventure. In this wordless book, Becker invites everyone to open their imaginations to inspiring possibilities.
While I was “reading” this book to my kids I decided it was Harold and the Purple Crayon goes silent Steam Punk, and what can I say? I am so there for it. Kids will learn that helping others often means you receive help in return, and that the world of imagination might even be more fun with a friend.
POND by Jim LeMarche
Out back behind his house Matt is exploring and discovers a little trickle of water. A dam whose rocks have been moved. An indent that may have once held a pond. With his friends, Matt spends a summer repairing the dam and rewilding the space behind his house. With the return of the pond comes the return of the wild animals, and a simpler kind of summer where kids spend hours in nature, exploring, boating, and learning lessons from the natural world.
This book makes my heart sing, it is the kind of childhood I want to grant my own children. I want them to notice the little things, to be good stewards of nature, to find the magic in the quiet moments. I have gotten this book before and I will check it out again, if nothing else, to remind me to go outside.
A DAY FOR SANDCASTLES by JonArno Lawson Illustrated by Qin Leng
Follow along on a sandcastle building adventure day at the beach for one family. Three kids attempt to make the perfect castle while the elements continue to destroy their creations. Waves, a stray hat blowing in the wind, a toddler on the loose. By the end of this beautiful book you will be entranced by the magic of creation and can feel the sunburn on your shoulders that comes from a long day at the beach.
Another wordless book full of visual details for exploring and story creation imagination. I love how books without words let each member of the family notice different aspects of the story. Your kids will learn that the fun lies in continuing to create despite the obstacles life throws at you. Or maybe they will learn something completely different! That is the beauty of a story without words, you can make it your own.
THE SHEEP WHO HATCHED AN EGG by Gemma Merino
Lola is the most beautiful sheep with the most beautiful hair. Until one day when everyone gets a haircut and her life is changed forever. Her new ‘do is so fluffy and messy that she doesn’t even notice when an egg falls in until a bird hatches out. The bird teaches Lola there is more to life than having perfect locks.
Cute, sweet, and funny, with a bit of an anti-vanity message thrown in, this book is going to be a favorite. Not only because nobody around here likes to brush their messy nests of hair, but also because Lola is a perfectly loveable sheep. Is it coincidence that the Authors last name is Merino? We may never know.
I need to end this parent rant newsletter by saying that some days I feel like a golden parent. When our flight home got delayed two times, once on the ground and once in the air, we all collectively kept our cool and navigated through all the sticky moments with grace and ease. There are so many many good days, good moments, and heart-warming memories. They just hit more quietly sometimes than the bad ones. But I do recognize how utterly lucky and privileged I am and how beautiful my life is.
I also want to give a shout-out to those other mothers I text in the heat of the moment, who are always willing to be my greatest cheerleaders my most sympathetic listeners, who remind me that I am going to survive the tough moments. You know who you are, I love you all to bits and I couldn’t do this without y’all reminding me that you are doing it too.
If you are ever feeling all alone, like a failure, like you just don’t want to parent anymore or that you aren’t any good at it, text me (OK, not really me unless you have my number, but please — text another trusted parent friend). You are not alone! We all have these days, these moments, these meltdowns. You are doing a hard thing, and you are doing your best.
Also, if you need a laugh (and we all ned one) have you seen this video series from forever ago?
See you next week and happy reading y’all!
I, too, am in a season of "I just don't wanna be a mom today". Appreciate these book recommendations, as always!
This hit home to me while I was sitting on the sofa exhausted after a very fun and exciting and also incredibly frustrating and tiring vacation day at the beach with toddlers. When I read, I added A Day for Sandcastles to our library list and we just picked it up today. LOVED it and loved seeing how my daughter could help tell the story after dabbling her toes in sandcastle building for the first time two weeks ago. Thank you!