When Should my Kid Start Reading?
Part 1: Arbitrary milestones and an introduction to the question of reading readiness.
So, I went to a backyard party the other day filled with both friends and strangers. As soon as I was introduced to a new person, I would ask them my standard first question that I ask all new potential friends: “How old were you when you learned to read?”
Wait. Just kidding. I absolutely have never once done that in my life, because it would be absurd. Yet we spend so much of our parenting comparing and fretting about arbitrary achievements. As a nanny and a mother, I have tracked so many milestones, creating lists of first words, first steps, first successful bathroom trips, first bicycle rides, first solid foods - all of it! My son is now 4.5 years old and all of his friends talk, walk, run, play, and poop. Nobody is all that different or special, regardless of how many words they could say at 18 months old, whether they started walking at 9 months or 22, or when they read their first Shakespearian Sonnet. So why do we put so much emphasis and stress on these moments?
Don’t misunderstand me, there is a huge benefit to being keyed into your child’s personal growth, and early detection and intervention for any physical, cognitive, or emotional delay can be life-changing. It is good to have guideposts for normal childhood development and to be an active parent who tracks and connects, paying attention to and understanding your individual child.
But also, maybe just a little bit, don’t spend a ton of energy comparing and calculating. There isn’t a blueprint for children because, just like the rest of our global society, children are individuals. They will grow and learn at their own pace, through their own strengths, overcoming their own challenges. A regimen that works wonders for one child will fall flat for another. We don’t assume that every adult human we meet is a mirror of ourselves, so why would we assume that each child should reflect every other child?
Next month (March) is National Reading Month, and I am excited to kickstart a series diving into the nuanced answer to a question that as a career nanny and avid advocate of early childhood literacy I get asked a lot:
“When should my child be reading?”
and the natural follow-up to that question:
“What can I do to help?”
When I am asked this question in my day-to-day, my answer is always the same. There is no magical number, no right age, no expiration date for learning how to read. There are so many different types of learners and learning styles, so try not to stress too much about it! (Easier said than done, I know). Creating pressure around learning to read can have the inverse effect and make reading less than enjoyable for both you and your little human. Your child will start reading when all the puzzle pieces click into place in their brain—when the words on the page make sense. This light switch moment varies, depending on the child.
Your job, and the key component of your role, is to make sure they have all the pieces to the puzzle. Reading, just like learning any other new skill (walking, talking, pooping, bike riding, play structure climbing), will take work and effort, trial and error, lots of mistakes, and lots of encouragement.
I may be a bit of a broken record on this point, but I will say it again and again and again without hesitation. The best way to encourage early childhood literacy is to read aloud to your kids — and extra points (which translates into a higher chance of encouraging a developing reader) if everyone is enjoying story time.
Tune in next week, and all of March, as I share my insight and understanding around this topic, as well as anything new I learn along the way. And! Check my Lit Tip section in this (and previous) newsletters to gather tips and tricks for raising little readers.
LIT TIP
When is the best time to read to your kid? Great news! ANYTIME O’CLOCK! When does it fit best into your schedule? A lot of people love to read a few books as a part of a bedtime routine. Other parents are too ready for bed to happen (and happen fast please and thank you) for that to be the optimum time to read. Maybe you want to spend your early morning hours (because dear goodness they sure do wake up early) couch lounging and sipping coffee? A great way to achieve this goal is by working book reading into a cozy and cuddly morning wake-up routine! Can you read to your kid while they are in a tub? Sure you can! Why not? Waiting for a meal at a restaurant? Yes! Other patrons may give you some side-eye, but the other option is unleashing the full terror of a bored toddler at a restaurant onto their dinner plans, so really, they should be thanking you.
Just don’t read and drive.
FROM THE STAX
WHO WET MY PANTS by Bob Shea Illustrated by Zachariah Ohora
Bear shows up at camp with a box full of donuts for the troop and an unexpectedly wet pair of trousers. Bear makes it his mission to figure out which one of his friends wet his pants. An absurdly hilarious book that adds levity to what can be the somewhat trying potty-training stage of life, this book is a crowd-pleaser. If nothing else, because preschoolers love potty humor. What I love about this book is it reinforces that accidents aren’t something to be ashamed of, and that good friends will always have your back, no matter if you’ve peed yourself and can’t bring yourself to admit it.
MRS. BIDDLEBOX by Linda Smith Illustrated by Marla Frazee
Mrs. Biddlebox wakes up on the wrong side of bed. BEEN THERE! And when the day doesn’t seem to want to improve, she takes it upon herself to gather it up and bake it into something sweeter. Just a bit witchy, very imaginative, and with a dash, pinch, and dance of fun, this book might just help you out as much as it entertains your kids. I know I certainly wanted to bake and dance my grumps out after reading this one!
THE KNIGHT OF LITTLE IMPORT by Hannah Batsel
Charlie is a Knight who does NOT live in the town of Bigger Borough, where absolutely everything is happening. Instead, Charlie lives in the town of Little Import, where not much is happening at all. Until one fateful day when Charlie is asked for help down at the local bakery and with a little creative thinking realizes there are beasts to be slain (or at least peacefully relocated to happier environments) all over her town. Half told in story and half filled with riddles to solve, this book is fun for young readers who like a riddle or solving a puzzle. The illustrations are vibrant and paper-collage style, and I love that Charlie is a girl knight! Plus, the hidden beasts are truly creative, encouraging kids to find fun “beasts” about their own houses and towns.
TALLULAH’S TOE SHOES by Marilyn Singer Illustrated by Alexandra Boiger
Tallulah is an excellent dancer who works very hard and cannot wait to be on pointe. When her teacher explains she is not yet big enough, Tallulah is disappointed until one day when she sees a bigger ballerina toss an old pair of toe shoes in the trash. Tallulah takes matters into her own hands (or should I say feet). Part of the bigger Tallulah series, a wonderful series for any ballet dancers out there, this book teaches the important, and often impossible, lesson of having patience. It is hard not to enjoy a book that has such loveable characters, illustrations that truly capture the moment and feeling of the words, and a lesson worth learning.
YOU GO FIRST by Ariel Bernstein Illustrated by Marc Rosenthal
A new (bigger, twistier) slide shows up at Cat and Duck’s playground and while Duck is excited to try it out, Cat is a bit nervous. Through many stall tactics and then a general outright expression of fear, Cat lets his nerves get to Duck. Ultimately, this is a book about conquering your fears and understanding the nuances of your friend’s personalities, which is a cute double message. I like that Cat is allowed to be nervous, Duck is allowed to be brave, and both characters are respectful of one another. This is a very cute and heartwarming story.
Thanks for being here! Tell me - what is your favorite unorthodox place to conduct a family storytime? How old were you when you learned to read? What questions do you actually like to ask new potential friends at a party - my party etiquette could use some refining!
As always, this substack is a free resource and the best way you can help me out is by sharing it with anyone you know might enjoy it! I am so grateful for you.
See you this Thursday for another installment of Auntie’s Annex (excited to share what I have been reading this month!!) and next Monday for my regular family-focused reviews. Happy reading y’all!
ONE 👏 THOUSAND 👏 TIMES 👏 AMEN
I love this so much. I taught myself to read at age four, and only because parents read aloud to me all the time. My daughter learned around five and now she reads even more than I do. (Which, as an author, I must say is a lot.) My son is four and he's still learning what letters even are. I plan to homeschool him next fall and I hope he feels so much freedom to explore reading at his own pace. Five, seven...even eight...I don't care. What I care about is that once he grasps how powerful stories can be, he'll never want to give them up.