Surprise! (it's my birthday)

Surprises vs secrets and the magic of Santa

SURPRISE!!!! Yesterday was my birthday.** I am so amazingly and deliciously exhausted because my amazing partner planned an entire birthday weekend which involved a kid-free staycation in downtown Austin. We went two-stepping, ate queso, I drank so many martini’s with my beautiful friends that I even attempted to karaoke. I woke up a little rough around the edges, and capped the celebration off with a brunch before heading back to my beautiful children. Winning.

As an adult human with a December birthday, I normally follow the “birthdays aren’t that big of a deal” protocol. Everyone is busy with holiday plans, parties, and the general Christmas Panic that takes over for the month of December. But this year is no ordinary year! I am, in fact, turning FORTY years old. So I have decided to make a big freaking deal out of my birthday. The theme? Sparkles. I rented a sequin dress that I fell in love with when I saw Selena Gomez rock it like a goddess in the finale of Season 3 of Only Murders in the Building, which is a TV show I would recommend to anybody because Steve Martin can do no wrong.

Selena (my muse) & me being sparkle queens

I stalked this dress late at night like one might a fresh ex-lover — in a way that was borderline creepy and obsessive — until one lucky day when I discovered it was available to rent. I pulled out that credit card and went full Donna Meagle mode.

Then, because my sister is my BFF and wanted to spoil me, I traveled solo for the first time since my kids were born and went to visit my family back home in Washington state where I got my first ever (sparkly, duh) gel manicure, slept until I wanted to sleep, ate a multitude of donuts, took a hike in the wild PNW majestic greenery, and missed the crap out of my kids and partner — as ya do. My sister also planned and pulled off a surprise party, and I got to celebrate with family and close friends I haven’t seen for years.

In an earlier newsletter I tore into a book I personally disliked, explaining how I don’t like books that encourage kids to keep secrets from trusted adults. If I catch the message early on I may even change the words of the book to edit the story… am I, in essence, keeping secrets from my children when I do this and thus become instantly hypocritical?!?! AHHHH! I hadn’t thought about it!! An existential crisis is forthcoming.

It may be a matter of semantics, but I treat secret like a bad word in my family while celebrating and welcoming the idea of a surprise. Of course, you can’t have a surprise without successfully keeping a secret, but the end game with a surprise is always a gift of joy. The end game with a secret? Not always so joyful or fun. I am hoping this minor difference will safeguard my children against any person who asks them to hold a secret they should never have to keep.

Having just been successfully surprised by my sister and my husband for my birthday, I am thinking a lot about surprises versus secrets, about Santa and the narratives we spin about mythological and mysterious beings. There is a sometimes tricky line between being honest with your kid about what is and isn’t real, and letting them believe in things for the pure sake of the magic. In our house we lean in to the Santa myth during this season and to be totally honest, even as someone who has been on this planet for four decades (!!) now, I still get giddy about the magic of it all.

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LIT TIP

Make books magic. Some are purposfully magical (Chronicles of Narnia, His Dark Materials Trilogy, James and the Giant Peach, Matilda, Harry Potter and the Half Magic books come to mind). But even books that aren’t magical in plot or character can hold the key to understanding the world better, and that is an even greater magic than unicorns or dragons.

When my son (the WHY kid in our family) has a question, instead of jumping straight onto the internet, I will tell him “We should get a book about it! Books can teach you anything you want to know!” My sly little way of encouraging him to find the secret key offered to us all through the world of literature.

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From the Stax

IT’S SNOWING! by Olivier Dunrea

Mama and Baby are cuddled warm and snug by the fire in their cabin when Mama sees the first flurry of snow. She wakes baby and they bundle up and head out into the snow. A gorgeously illustrated book, with a simple and straightforward story, this book really captures the magic of sharing something you love with the brand new tiny human in your life. Seeing your child experience their first snow storm, unwrap their first present, help decorate the christmas cookies, unleashes the magic all over again.

SNOWBALLS by Lois Ehlert

When the first snow falls, the family goes out with all their “good stuff” and builds a snowman family. Lois Ehlert’s collage art with found objects is so inspiring, and her books are as playful and fun as her collages. This would be a great book to read before you go out to build your own snowmen! Since we live in Texas and won’t likely see snow, we might use this book to inspire our own collage art project!

PRARIE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS Written and Illustrated by James Rice

Putting a country twist on The Night Before Christmas classic, two lonely cowboys are visited one night by a mysterious (jolly) stranger who needs help wrangling a new team (gotta love a book with a longhorn or two) to pull his sleigh. James Rice’s use of colloquial southwest phrases makes for a fun read - get ready to put on your spurs and cowboy hat, along with your best southern accent for this oddball of a Christmas read.

TACKY’S CHRISTMAS by Helen Lester Illustrated by Lynn Munsinger

Tacky is a loveable aptly named penguin who gamely plays the part of both the Christmas Tree and Santa for the penguins holiday festivities. When the hunters come to stir up trouble, Tacky leans into his role and helps save himself and his penguin friends from becoming the holiday feast. My only complaint is the way the hunters (bad guys) speak in this book may reinforce the negative “hillbilly” stereotype.

NUTCRACKER NOEL by Kate McMullan Illustrated by Kate & Jim McMullan

Noel is so excited to dance in the Nutcracker - until she is assigned the role of a tree. Despite her best efforts to sneak into another role, Mia is stuck with her fate and is less than thrilled until her teacher calls her into the back room to set Noel straight on how to shine no matter which part you get. We love ballet stories, especially ones that teach you how to give it your all, whether you are prima ballerina or a snow covered tree.

For several years when I was a kid we went to the Pacific Northwest Ballet’s performance of the Nutcracker. The set was designed by Maurice Sendak, so it was beautiful, terrifying, and magical. It felt like a dream. I cannot wait to start a Nutcracker tradition with my own two kids when they are a bit older.

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**Fun fact about my birthday: It snowed the morning I was born which is sort of unusual for western Washington, so that feels a bit magical. Even more magical? I was born on my moms 26th birthday (best birthday present she ever got, right?). My grandpa, a jazz musician, was gigging on a cruise ship at the time of my birth (or so the story goes) and when he got the telegram (is that a thing?) he was certain there had been a mistake; his first granddaughter hadn’t been born on the same day as his only daughter, that would be too weird. But I was! We have happily (as far as I know) shared my birthday ever since. Apparently on my mom’s last big decade birthday she ignored mine completely. Now it is my turn to ignore hers! Revenge! (JK - happy birthday mom, you are the best and I love you forever). **

Are you someone who loves surprises? Do you do Santa in your house? What is the most magical part of the holiday season for your family? Are you also going to lean in to this sparkle trend? Share your stories below!

See y’all next week and happy reading!