2/3 Duck off, Chuck
Why I am Here (on Substack): a 3 Part Series
Hello again dear friends and welcome to Part 2 of Why I am Here on Substack! In case you missed the thrilling first episode, feel free to check it out here. Moving on.
A fun game to play with your kids, assuming your kids are knights, is to pretend you are a hydra - each time they cut off your leg, or head, or arm, you sprout two new appendages and morph into a multiplying ball of limbs and heads. There is basic math! There is blood and gore! There usually is tickling and giggling involved!
Less tickly and giggly, more vomity and sobby, is the way self-doubt is an ever-expanding, ever-mutating, many-headed beast that can seem impossible to defeat.
Lasterday™ I was on a walk with a dear friend, discussing creativity, self-doubt, and substack (she told me about
and and I am forever grateful) and she brought up Imposter Syndrome, sharing how it disproportionately affects more women than men, how it can taunt us, thwart us, and basically keep us from doing the thing.The internet defines Imposter Syndrome as “self-doubt among high achieving individuals” and I thought, “Well then, I can’t use that term as I am not high achieving!” The irony does not escape me. My friend telling me about the term is undeniably a high-achieving individual, and I know she would deny this. The irony continues.
My friend also shared a secret to quieting the imposter: name them. Hers is named Joyce, and she leans cooly against a wall chain-smoking and judging everyone who comes into her line of sight. Joyce is always saying “Aren’t you great!” - the Irish version of “Bless your heart” in response to any creative idea my friend suggests. Has there ever been a more dismissive, backhandedly condescending phrase? I love to hate Joyce.
Falling down the rabbit hole of Imposter Syndrome (or phenomenon) led me to this fun test created by Dr. Clance, one of the two women who originally coined the term. I scored a 79. High enough to name my imposter. I am going to call him Chuck.
Remember Fight Club, the only movie ever, IMO, that was better than the book? While everyone else was obsessing about the number one rule of fight club (there are no rules) I was haunted (and still am) by a singular quote:
“You are not special. You're not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We're all part of the same compost heap. We're all singing, all dancing crap of the world.” - Chuck Palahniuk
What haunts me most about it is that I find it logically sound, we are all composed of the same organic matter. But, I so desperately (like all of us, I assume) desire to be a beautiful and unique snowflake. And living in this paradox is … well, a paradox. In order to create, I have to quiet my imposter feelings. I have to embrace the mystery of the cosmic universe, the beauty of the snowflake, and the belief that we, as individuals, have something to offer to someone, and that that something has worth. That I have worth. So, fuck off Chuck, and let me dance my unique snowflake dance.
What will you name your imposter?
The Hydra was defeated by Hercules when he utilized the help of Iolaus, his nephew. Each time Hercules cut off a head, Iolaus lept in with a torch to burn the headless neck, cauterizing the wound and preventing new heads from springing out. For me, the moral of the story is twofold: 1 - you can’t do it alone. 2 - You must use all the weapons at your disposal. When your first attempt doesn’t succeed, it is a different tactic that will garner success.
So you, dear beautiful organic matter, go name your imposter, dance your snowflake dance, and keep cutting off the self-doubt heads, no matter how many sprout back out at you.
Tune in next week to discover what fiery torch I applied to my self-doubt to carry on with my substack mission.
FROM THE STAX
Five fun kid books about defeating beasts, being brave, and trying again:
THE DRAGON SLAYER: FOLKTALES FROM LATIN AMERICA by Jamie Hernandez
We are loving this collection of Latin American Folktales told in a graphic novel style targeted at early readers. There are three tales included, plus a beautifully done appendix that gives more background and history about each story. The stories include themes of female empowerment, rising to action instead of wallowing in pity, and being clever and resourceful. If you haven’t yet read a graphic novel with your littles, give it a try. The picture blocks are a really fun way for a kid to experience the narrative of a story.
BIG BRAVE BRIAN by M.P. Robertson
Big Brave Brian isn’t afraid of anything! Brian bravely faces a slew of very imaginative and ridiculously named monsters with no qualms. There is only one thing Brian is afraid of… The illustrations in this book are so fun and funny, and it is a very quick and delightful read. What he is afraid of is maybe a bit of an eye-roll, but its all cheeky fun.
AFTER THE FALL: HOW HUMPTY DUMPTY GOT BACK UP AGAIN by Dan Santat
After the fall, the King’s Men were able to piece Humpty back together again, but a repaired shell doesn’t quite fix all the things that were broken when he fell. Unable to work up the courage to get back on the wall, Humpty looks for alternative ways to still enjoy the birds he loved to watch from his perch. He thinks he has a perfect solution until one day a gust of wind requires him to face his fears. Such a sweet expansion on a well-known tale, with a message of bravery and resilience to boot. The last page makes my heart soar. This one is going to have a lasting impact.
BO THE BRAVE by Bethan Woollvin
Bo lives in a castle with her stinky brothers who refuse to let her adventure with them, so she heads off on an adventure of her own. She finds many monsters and also discovers that maybe they are not so monstrous after all. A rollicking tale of bravery, correcting misconceptions, empathy, and friendship. Bethan Woollvin’s art is bright, bold and colorful, a treat for all ages.
PEASANT PIG AND THE TERRIBLE DRAGON by Richard Scarry
The castle occupants are all enjoying a tournament on the grounds when a dragon is spotted in the distance and it is Peasant Pig (and Lowly Worm, of course) who helps save the castle from the dragon using cunning, wit, and bravery. The magic with all Richard Scarry books is the incredible amount of detail that goes into the illustrations. Each page is brimming with little easter eggs to discover. I have read Richard Scarry books since I was a very young girl, poring over pages at my grandma’s cottage, and I had no idea this book existed! I love to find a “new to me” title by an author I love.
Wow, that was a long newsletter. If you made it to the end, cheers to us, and see you next week. Happy reading y’all!
Don’t forget to tell me what you are going to name your imposter. And if you know someone who wants some great kid book recommendations, please pass this email along - just like sharing a good book with a friend.
This was such a great post, Alexis and I absolutely loved how to reframe imposter syndrome. Thank you for this wonderful post. I'm going to be busy musing over the name of my particular imposter.